you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
