btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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