cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Someone came in the potted fern
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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