brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize