Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize