I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
