You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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