2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
