Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize