So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she looked like the before picture.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
