If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
