mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's shark week go big or go home
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
