I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
