May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
