there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
