Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
