Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
