So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
