I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
