so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
