My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
