Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
