he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
