Screwed.edu
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
