I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
