I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
