She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
