I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
