I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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