So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
