It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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