My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
