I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize