CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize