I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
