I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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