OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize