You really coming over, don't trick.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
