Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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