I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I want is dick and wine.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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