She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
