in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
