If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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