i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
