i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
