SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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