I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
