matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize