During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have feelings that need drinking.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
