he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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