My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
