For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
