If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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