One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
