dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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