im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
