guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
