The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
