In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Life is so much better after having sex.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
