Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
