If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
