We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
