Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
