do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
