True but thats because hes a fetus.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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