Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
