ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
