The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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